My hopes are officially....
Monday, June 2, 2008 posted by Reagan at 8:34 PM
UUUUPPPP!
I have just gotten so excited for Pip to come home. I tried not to at first because I admit, I didn't believe them when they told me....and also because anything (good or bad) can happen in a month. But after the sleepover I'm freaking out. The good kind and the bad kind.
The GOOD Kind: I woke up on Saturday morning after sleeping at Piper's bedside and rolled over. and there she was. my baby. two steps away. soon this could happen all the time. every-single-day. Not only was I completely thrilled to wake up to that, but she was just playing and cooing her's and everyone else's brains out. My heart fluttered like crazy when I thought about how it wouldn't be such a bad thing to get used to. I could get used to that. The whole 27 straight hours I was there I kept imagining how things might be in two months. All the mama-baby time I could hope for. I know. Don't be jealous.
The BAD Kind: Um yeah, I am going to be responsible for the care of a very sick and fragile nugget. Piper gets six different kinds of medicine in the morning alone, then two or three every few hours for the rest of the day. I freaked out because I could easily give her a mis-dose of something or forget. She also has this scary thing called trach care, which is a very delicate matter. Her trach has to be changed weekly and the ties have to be changed every day after her bath, or every time she barfignugens. Tracheostomy infections are a very, very dangerous thing. Aside from a mil' other things, there are the things like, what if her machine is beeping like crazy because of desaturation and I sleep through it? What if I don't notice some kind of infection? What if our insurance decides they hate us and are sick of paying millions of dollars? What if I mess up?
What if I can't do this?
If you have known me at all since I have had Pip, you know that having her home is all I've dreamed of. I'm so happy. But I am so scared. I think it is normal to doubt your abilities when something so important is at hand, so I really hope I can feel better soon. I love her, and this is a good things that is happening.
Thanks for reading my long and boring complainathon.
Reagan--
That is awesome! And it is totally natural to feel the way you do. Babies are a lot of work. And a baby who needs special care will be even more work. But I also know you'll do an amazing job. It's one of those things that is easier to know from the outside looking in. You may feel inadequate but I think everyone who knows you, knows you can do it. So exciting.
June 3, 2008 9:12 PM
Girl you are made of steel with a velvet covering. Nobody got to be Piper's mom but you, and there's a good reason for that. You are one of my heroes.
June 4, 2008 12:15 PM
You are so amazing and you are going to do such a great job.
June 4, 2008 8:33 PM
You are going to rock at taking care of Piper! No worries.
June 5, 2008 1:24 PM
I am so happy that your little pip gets to go home. I know that you have been longing for this and I know that you will do an excellent job in taking really good care of her. You are an awesome mom and you and jake should feel like very proud good parents.
June 5, 2008 1:25 PM
Sorry that anonymous was from me.
miggy
