IN OTHER RELATED BUSINESS: Today was the first time I gave Piper her meds by myself. I asked the nurse to let me do the trach change next week, which I have never done (only watched). It's a big deal and a vital step towards getting trained in home care. Because I FIRMLY BELIEVE one day, she WILL WILL WILL come home. I'm not going to give up on it. My flame was just a flicker a few months ago, but what kind of a cheerleader is that for little Pipsey? She need an overflowing forest wildfire of hope coming from me. And that's what I'll give her.


I am extremely blessed for the bond that has grown tremendously with Pip in the last few weeks. It is really hard to not be the primary care-giver of you own child and sometimes I feel worthless or in the way of the nurses. There have been times when I have messed up while suctioning or in other areas of her care and it is the worst feeling to know that she is in pain because of me. I have worried so much when these things happen that she will always connect me with pain or discomfort. But lately, I know she loves me. Not being shown in any way that is different from before, it's just in that mother-to-daughter way that you feel inside. Corney-cheesy-cliche, very much. I think that's how it is supposed to go.